This Kiss

When I was younger, I dated a girl that held her breath when she kissed. I didn't know it at the time because I had my eyes shut.

Dad never taught me much about kissing so I thought John Wayne's method seemed to work. Kisses were meant to be long and lasting right before he rode off into the sunset. Naturally the poor girl was dizzy and breathless when we finished but I thought she was really getting turned on. It was a big ego booster to my manhood. What did I know? I kissed other girls but it just wasn't the same.

It's funny what you remember as you get older.

We now have seven grandchildren!

Sponge Bob

Carl

There was an older kid on my street by the name of Carl, who never liked his name. He was named after his father. The name was probably popular back in 1920 but by 1955 you didn't meet too many kids named Carl. Carl was stuck with the name Carl and there wasn't much he could do about it.

Around the Fourth of July we bought firecrackers, M-80s, and cherry bombs, most of which they don't sell anymore thanks to the Government. We had sparklers that were 2 feet long and reached 400 degrees Kelvin. It was like playing with a welding rod.

Carl liked to throw those cherry bombs in the air because they were louder than laying them on the ground, like the package said. One day the lit fuse was faster than Carl and it went off in his hand.

As I remember it, Carl seemed much happier and well adjusted after we started calling him "Lefty".

The PIP

My grandfather built a chicken coop in the backyard and we raised chickens from small chicks and I suppose we had eggs as well. As a small boy I witnessed many gruesome murders with an ax, which I have tried to suppress from my memory for many years. All in all, we ate well.

My parents and grandfather used to talk about the PIP, which was a chicken disease that could eventually wipe out the whole herd. Instead of the usual "Peep", they went "Pip", crossed both eyes, and kneeled over dead. It wasn't pretty.

The chicken coup had a full size door with a squeeky hinge. Sometimes the bird would fall against the door, which then opened and they would fall outside on the grass.

Grandpa always lost money when he heard the "pip squeek".

Thought for the Day - True Story

A grocery store held an employee meeting for ideas to improve customer relations and to be more friendly. A bag boy with Downes Syndrome went home to think about it and started to write a "Thought for the Day" and began putting one per customer in their grocery bag.
Pretty soon his checkout line reached to the back of the store even though other lines were shorter or had no waiting. Some customers said, "I normally only come in here once a week but now I stop by to get a Thought for the Day".

I started posting a "Thought for the Day" at work because everyone came in, went straight to their desks, and started working. Now I am getting suggestions to post their "Thoughts" and usually people go out of their way to read the board daily.

Hmm, if a Bag Boy with Downes Syndrome has improved other people's lives, what can I do?

My New Chair

I bought a new chair where I sit,
At my computer, I'm there quite a bit.
My old chair was hard,
My butt felt like lard.
It was costly but I don't give a ...
"Rats, it was made in China."


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